i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
