I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
