If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
