So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
