I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
