and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
