I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
