So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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