Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
