I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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