you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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