went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
