well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
