Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
