Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
