Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
