I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
