Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
