I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
