i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
