i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
