just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
