It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
how does that bad decision feel?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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