So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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