Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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