Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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