Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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