omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
