My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was like eating out sand paper
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
