There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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