we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
