That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
