the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
