i think i have herpe
just one?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
