They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
