My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize