i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I lost the right to judge tonight
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
