This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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