12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
