If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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