her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
