My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
