i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
