I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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