Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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