by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
