worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
