Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
