hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
