i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
