I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
