i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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