The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
