Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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