what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
