Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
