My hand turned me down
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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