FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
