JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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