We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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