Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
