So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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