Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
