you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
