can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
