i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
