I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
