i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
