I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
