She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
