I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
