Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
